俺の母さん。。。あら。。。

Since I blogged about my dad last time, I thought it would only be fair if I blog about every single last funny story about my mother. Yeah. Okay, maybe not every one, just the ones I remember…

Remember that speech that my mom had me look over awhile back? She gave her speech today. It was in Powerpoint format, with slides and everything, but…there was no projector. Hmm. Did the company not have one? Nope, they just decided to not use it. Hmm.

They had 25 minutes each to speak about whatever. My mom’s packets of wasted ink and paper lasted probably about 8 minutes. Max. With potty breaks in between each slide. So she decided to retell everything IN CHINESE. Because apparently there were Chinese people there, and they might not have understood her Engrish. Personally, I would have thought that they would be experts at Engrish, but I guess not. Now, the thing is, there were a bunch of white guys there too, whom I presume to not know a single ounce of Chinese. I can only wonder what they were thinking and doing as my mom rambled on in moonspeak for another 5 minutes. By the way, there was no Q&A session at the end. It wasn’t “allowed”. I don’t know what the hell company her boss runs, but it has got to change. I can only imagine that for the last 12 minutes, they just kind of…stared at each other.

My mom came home actually feeling she did a good job. My dad and I had a nice laugh over that. I haven’t laughed so much since I first saw Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series.

Another story about my mom…

Many many moons ago, my mom was not yet a citizen of the United States. She, like my dad before, had to take that citizenship test and know who the 1st and 16th presidents were. She also had to know the number of stars and stripes on the flag, the date of Independence Day, and how many pairs of shoes were lost during the American Revolution. Oh, she also had to sing that national anthem, which I don’t think went very well.

Somehow she made it to the end of the test, and the final question was: “Do you agree with the American Constitution?”

“No.”

“Why is that?” Shock. Gasps. WTF is this woman doing here?

“Oh wait, yesyesyesyesyes.” (all of this is in a Chinese accent, of course)

I’m surprised she didn’t get deported back to China, chop-suey.

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